the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize
