I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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