I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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