my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
