i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Oh god it's open bar.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
