Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Randomize
