I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
and she was petting her beer can
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I enjoy the company of your penis
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
