addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize