i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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