Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
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