Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize