She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Randomize
