I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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