Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
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