so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
