I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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