Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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