Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize