I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
