Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
