Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Never underestimate the power of titties
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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