I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
