yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
