I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
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