you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Randomize
