just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
