Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
