too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
