don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
