i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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