i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
no. you can't hotbox the world.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
