3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
