do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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