i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
