I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Randomize
