Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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