sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
