I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
