I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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