sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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