What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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