My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
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