Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
