Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
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