just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
But theres a keg here and me gusta
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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