She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
My vagina just recognized that song.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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