have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize