Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
