I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
COCAINE IS GR8
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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