Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
