I want to stick my p in your. b.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Randomize
