dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Randomize
