Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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