i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Randomize
