I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
Barsexuality is the new black.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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