all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
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