I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
