i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Randomize
