Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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