Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
