I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
