Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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