My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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