The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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