hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
