theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
